Life can often feel like a noisy room where it’s hard to hear your own thoughts. This is where sounding boards come in—trusted individuals who allow us to express ourselves freely and help us make sense of our ideas and dreams. These people listen closely without judgment. They provide perspective and uncover ways to better navigate our personal and professional lives. And, they can help us to know ourselves so we can make better decisions and open the way for personal growth.
The origin of the word “sounding board” comes from a thin piece of wood located under the strings of musical instruments that pick up vibrations to strengthen the sound. Sounding boards also appear in auditoriums as curved wooden structures above or behind the people speaking to help project what is said towards an audience. Similarly, life coaches serve as sounding boards, reflecting back to us what they hear to activate or amplify our inner knowing. The key is their ability to vibrate along with us, listen well, respond thoughtfully, and provide insights—all without giving direct advice or imposing their solutions which would only cover up our own thoughts.
As a young adult in the 80s and 90s, I had no idea life coaches existed. That was unfortunate because I could have used some fresh perspective on my life along with some good excavation work as to what was authentic to me. From preschool to college, all the people I knew—parents, teachers, career counselors, and friends—came from the same religion with a set agenda for my life. I was handed my beliefs, thoughts, values, and roles, and these formed the strict standard for what my life should look like. As a result, my value in the group was based on how well l met these standards. Naturally, to be accepted, I became a very good rule-follower and poster child who was happy to do what the adults needed me to do. What I liked, wanted, needed, or thought was not as important as it was to serve the group.
Fast-forward 30 years later, I found myself exhausted by a life centered around people-pleasing, both personally and at work. I was so detached from my own wants and needs that I didn’t take proper vacations, I had no self-care routines, and I avoided going deeply into my interests out of fear that they could be considered a selfish use of my time. I felt I had to be a winner at work, be useful to others to have value, and had to make sure everyone around me was O.K. first. When my exhaustion became burnout, I felt I had no choice but to quit both my job and my church. I thought those externals were the problem and if I left them, I’d be happy and peaceful. Surprisingly, though, those changes made little difference. I hadn’t developed any personal authenticity or even the awareness that I needed it, so I remained in the dark about what to do with myself. I kept looking around for someone wise person to tell me what to do.
By that time, life coaches were becoming more popular, so I reached out to a career coach for help. In our sessions, we tried to explore new job options—preferably ones where I could use my gifts to their fullest (which to me meant a situation where I could be impressive, please people, and receive a decent wage, but not repeat the pattern of getting worn out by an overly demanding job). That made my search almost impossible because, inside, I was deeply frightened about facing job retraining expenses, accepting low pay at the bottom of a new career ladder, or getting hired at an understaffed company that might ask too much of their workers. But mostly, I was scared of myself and my deep, ingrained wiring to over-give at work so I could earn a sense of worth and value.
It soon became clear to me that the type of help I needed was not just new career exploration. I needed fresh ways of thinking about myself and how I related to the world. So, I went looking for a coach who specialized in helping those with people-pleasing tendencies. This turned out to be a great idea because when this coach acted as my sounding board she understood my struggles and we vibrated well together. Her perspective and follow-up questions helped me to see many things in a new light. I learned I could relax into myself, take baby steps towards letting go of the expectations of others, and detach from my workaholic ways and still have value! But, I found myself freezing up whenever I tried to move forward. Getting stuck like that in the middle of pursuing my goals was the big event that led me into therapy.
Since life coaching can’t delve into the past, treat emotional wounds, or dig into the origins of low self-esteem or relationship dysfunction, I knew I needed to get professional help from a licensed therapist who had the training necessary to deal with my deeper issues. Life coaching offered the perfect first and second steps along my journey of self-discovery because it helped me realize that I didn’t need a new job at that moment—I needed to feel safe in my own skin, trust and respect myself, and give myself the tools to heal on a foundational level. The detour into therapy didn’t take me away from life coaching or the pursuit of my goals but it became a perfect partner. They were like two related companies working on different floors of my personal high-rise building with one dealing with my goals and obstacles in the present, and the other dealing with the past and my need to establish emotional health and a positive self-concept.
While in therapy, I began to explore life-coaching work as an option for myself because I wanted to learn more about this sounding board method capable of unlocking the doors of freedom and authenticity for others. I enrolled in courses and eventually sought and attained my Master Life Coach certification—all the while using the tools, questioning methods, and exercises on myself to grow and progress. For the first time in my life, I was getting a taste of my own authentic self instead of being told what to think or do. And, I was also abandoning the term “selfish” and was choosing to give myself the time and space to focus on my healing journey. Thanks to life coaching and therapy, the authoritative and societal voices in my head were getting cleared out so I could hear my own thoughts and begin to live my own life. I couldn’t have done it without these non-judgmental, skilled, and caring people listening to me, acting as sounding boards, validating my thoughts and feelings, and helping me to discover what matters to me.
Looking back, it is important to note that, having sounding boards in your life is not enough on its own to deliver success. The truth is, whether or not I succeeded in my coaching or therapy journey was entirely up to me. I loved that these professionals could help me design a personal roadmap, authentic to me, that would guide me towards a better life. But, a map is no good unless you take the steps and go on the journey—and that’s on me. I had to take responsibility for myself and do the work to improve my situation. It’s also true that if I had tried to do this journey alone, without their help, I probably would have crashed into a metaphorical ditch. I needed the support that coaching and therapy provided. I needed their perspective, their cheerleading, the accountability check-ins, and their warnings of where the pitfalls lie, and I needed them to celebrate my wins with me.
It took time, it was hard work, and there were setbacks. But I emerged as a stronger, happier individual who knows what she wants from life and how to get there. I’m now tuned in to my own vibration, which is not only beautiful but rings out loud and clear. For that, I thank my sounding boards, and I thank myself for finally choosing to put myself first and seek help.